i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
