I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
