i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
