just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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