But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
