it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
