my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
