its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
