Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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