You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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