"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
