everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
