Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize