I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
