i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
