I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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