Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
time to smoke my breakfast
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
