"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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