It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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