I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
