i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
