so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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