I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
