Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
