Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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