May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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