I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My liver just broke up with me...
I look better un-naked...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
