i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
