I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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