Do vagina's smell?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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