Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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