Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
