it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
