Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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