Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
