he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
