Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
