hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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