dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
