Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
