last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
