I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
