Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize