something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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