That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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