gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
