Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
