i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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