D3 body, D1 cock
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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