So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
