it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
