he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize