her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
