Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
