I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
