Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
