Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
