I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
