New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
