love makes seman taste better
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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