I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
