Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
