How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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