Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
