ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
