didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
