Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
