Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
