i already hear my dad disowning me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ugly people sure do ruin things
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
