My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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